Explaining Death to Kids

Whoa, I leave for my annual mental breakdown, and go to clear my inbox, and apparently someone was listening to me, cause *does dance* We just got some letters, we just got some letters, we just got some letters, I wonder who they're from? Ok this first on is from Kathey and she writes:

My Gandmom jus died and shoul i let my 5yo son attend the funnel? How should I explain death to him?

Apparently Kathey was so bereaved that she forgot  the warning my previous post, but that's ok! First off let me take a moment and mourn the death of Kathey's  grandmother. *moment*

Kathey whether or not your son should attend the funeral depends on his maturity level. Most little kids at that age can't grasp the concept of death. It may scare him to see everyone crying around them, or to see his loved one laid out in the coffin. If the funeral is closed casket it may confuse the child even more, because they cannot grasp the concept grandmother is in the box. If you have a graveside service, then you have to be prepared for those questions as well. He will probably be very upset about the fact that you are going to bury her. If you are in fact cremating her make sure you explain in detail that granny is not alive, so that he is not traumatized by the thought that she may be hurt.

Also, and let me make this perfectly clear; I don't care how close you were to her, I don't care how close he was to her. DO NOT force him to go up to the coffin and ESPECIALLY force him to kiss or touch her in any way if he is not comfortable with it. You will cause more harm than good.

If you choose not to let him go to the funeral, make sure to allow him to memorialize her. Help him create a memory book, with drawings about her. Share stories with him. Something as simplistic as having him light a candle is a good way to do it. Regardless, be prepared for nightmares, possibly some regression, he will be clingy, and may even black at going to school. There may also be a difference in his play now, he may stage funerals, he may also play dead. This is a normal way for him to process it so don't discourage it even if it seems morbid.

As far as explaining death to him, first off it will depend on your religious beliefs if you bring any sort of afterlife into it, and for the love of GOD avoid euphemisms. No child in the history of the world has ever been comforted by them. Think about that, if you thought that every time you went to sleep someone was going to shove you in a box and bury you; you'd never sleep! Simple is better at this age, acknowledge his feeling and acknowledge your beliefs. Example: "We are very sad Grandmom left us, and we will miss her greatly  but it helps us to know she is with Jesus."

If you want more advice on this subject mosey on over to baby center their article gives more great advice and even repeats some that I have said. I hope this helps, and I am truly sorry for your loss. Take care.

What's All this Then?

Welcome to my little slice of the web! You are either here because you seek advice, or you just want to here what I have to say. There is a seedier third option that I paid you to be here, if that's the case Mr. Body, you'll get your money with Miss Scarlett and Professor Green, please wait at that creepy house on the hill.

All joking aside, this is an advice blog and I give out advice. What makes me qualified to give out the advice...honestly nothing but good old life experience. I'm not a doctor, I'm not a health/fitness guru, heck, I'm not even employed unless you count full time blogger as a method of employment! Still I have my fair share of life experience, and when I don't know the answer; I will seek to find it. If that means surfing the darkest spots on the web to get you an informed answer then by golly that is just what I will do.

Be forewarned all my answers include my honest advice on the situation, it may not be the answer that is the most popular, but it'll be the honest one. Sometimes it will be a little mean, a little hateful, even a little sarcastic, bear with me, I've not had my nap.

So yes, if you have not turned away yet, then by all means send me your problems! The address is eincap85@gmail.com, please put something in the subject line letting me know you want advice. Otherwise it will probably get mistaken for spam.

You, also, might want to make sure things are spelled correctly and at least a half arsed attempt is made at proper grammar. I post the letters how they are, and I won't hesitate to make fun of you if you type like a mentally incompetent chinchilla...note: If you are a mentally incompetent chinchilla, I'm sorry if that statement was hurtful, please make a note to me about this and I will do my best not to portray you as a complete idiot.

Also due to legal reasons and such, I will not give advice of a sexual nature to anyone under 18 years of age, nor will I give advice that promotes illegal activity including but not exclusive to; fraud, child abuse, acts of terrorism, etc. Sorry guys your gonna have to learn how to make that homemade bomb elsewhere.

In closing let me just say, that there are those folks out there that are of an opinion that they have better answers than what will be given herein. Let me just say, this isn't Yahoo! Answers so don't come on here shooting off your fat mouth, cause I don't care about your advice. You got something to say Bright Eyes, get your own blog! Well that's about it, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!